I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
