I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
