They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I am spending my child support on dildos
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
