Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
