cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
