My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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