it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
