You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
