You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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