dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
