hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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