It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
