i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
