apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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