my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She bit a glass in half.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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