If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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