My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Randomize
