He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
