I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
