Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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