The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
