There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
