Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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