your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Plan B is the new Plan A
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
