I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
