Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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