Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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