nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
