the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Acid is not a monday night drug
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
