Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
