he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
