That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
