We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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