I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
