I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
