sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
