Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
