Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
