My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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