you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Bring me that man meat
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
