I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i dont even know how to be here
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
