no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
