I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
