stop calling my apartment porn island.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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