I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
