Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
