Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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