So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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