Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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