**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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