dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
