Ambien. No doubt about it.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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